Play: THE FROSTING CALAMITY

This club play was written as a group collaboration between the participants and the group leader, Trish Denton -- ON HER BIRTHDAY!
March 19, 2011

THE FROSTING CALAMITY

Starring:
The Queen of Frosting Land (Aviva)
The Princess of Frosting Land (Evey)
Russian General (Micah)
King of the Nothing Doers (Augie)
Runaway Girl Disguised as a Boy (Charlotte)
President of the United States of America (Paulo)
Poseidon (Seth)
Poseidon's Daugther (Zoe)
Zeus (Davis)
Lily, a Dalmatian Puppy (Nora)
Premiere Puppeteer of Frosting Land (Ian)
The Frosting (Emma)

Synopsis:
Intro. In the lavish throne room of The Queen of Frosting Land, The Queen tells The Princess of how happy she is, "Frosting production is up, Princess! If we continue on like this, we can cover the whole world with Frosting, just like Frosting Land!" The Princess details all the new things she will buy with their profits. The Princess' Puppy wanders into the room and begs for food; the two women are so excited about their frosting takeover that they do not even notice the Puppies needs.
I. Zeus and Poseidon stand on opposite clouds. Poseidon is accompanied by his Hydro-Powers Head Technician, his daughter. Zeus yells across the sky, "Why do they need so much Frosting down there? Can't they be more like the people of Olympus?" Poseidon responds, "Yes, dear me, the people of Frosting Land are too decadent and rich..." They shake their heads in sync. "Perhaps, we should teach them a little lesson about needs?" Suggests Zeus. Poseidon agrees. "I will use lightning to make the frosting go away!" Zeus exclaims. Poseidon shakes his head, "No, use water!" "Lightning!" "Water!" "Lightning!" "Water!" ...They argue. "Hey! Who's the boss around here anyway!" Roars Zeus as he charges up his finest lightening rods and plunges them down into Frosting Land. Instead of the lightning disappearing, it is cooked into thick, sticky icing. "Now look what you have done Zeus! Let me and my daughter handle this..." And so, Poseidon uses the full force of all of his oceanic powers on the icing. It begins to wash over all the lands.
II. Meanwhile in Arizona, a descendant of the Hopi Indians takes a nap on a cliff's edge. With his hat over his face he hardly has time to see what hit him. A wave of gummy icing cascades over the rims of the canyon filling it to the brim. The napping man is trapped like an insect in amber. Within minutes, The President of the United States of America gets a phone call. "Yes? Our premiere tourist destination The Grand Canyon has been filled to brim with Icing? I know precisely how to handle this. I will call the Russian Military." Within seconds The Russian General steps into the Oval Office. He speaks loud, stilted Russian in the President's Face. "I see General. We have but one choice. We must call on The King of the Nothing Doers." The President and the General pause quite dramatically as The King of the Nothing Doers strides casually in the door. The King is accompanied by a Runaway. The President desperately describes the situation with The Grand Canyon to the King. He waits for a response. The King just stares blankly ahead. And so the President presses on, describing a multitude of approaches they could use. He waits for a response. The King just stares blankly ahead. The Runaway steps forward, "I will speak on his behalf. The King thinks that you should DO NOTHING to the Icing." The President cocks his head and looks at the King. "Thank you King! If this is your solution, then we will DO NOTHING to the Icing!"
III. Interrupted by the news of the relocated Frosting during an exhilarating performance by The Premiere Puppeteer of Frosting Land, the Queen of Frosting Land angrily calls The President of The United States of America. "Hello Mr. President. I realize that you now are in possession of all of my precious frosting. I want it back!" The President describes how unfortunate the Icing in the Grand Canyon is. He asks the queen to please take care it. "It is YOUR problem now Mr. President! Even though it is MINE, it is in YOUR country! Get it back to me at ONCE!" She insists, slamming down the phone. In a huff, she tells the Princess about the Frosting. The Princess faints. The Queen paces, muttering, "...my frosting, my precious frosting..." She is so wrapped up in her loss, that she hardly notices the hungry Puppy begging to be fed. When the Puppy tugs at her dress, she takes notice of her for once. Just then, the Queen has a life-changing moment gazing into the eyes of this hungry Puppy. Coming down onto one knee to pet her, The Queen inquires attentively, "What do you need, girl? You want something to eat?" The Puppy is ecstatic for the attention and jumps up, down and around. "Princess, get up! Go fetch this lovely little Puppy something to eat." The Princess brushes herself off, "But mother?!" Her mother shoots her a look she would never forget, "Now!" The Princess scurries off and fetches a Crystal Bowl of the Finest Frosting. She puts the bowl down in front of the Puppy and the Puppy turns her nose up to it. "Puppy! This is the Finest Frosting in all of Frosting Land! Eat it!" The Puppy refuses to eat the frosting. The Queen again comes down to the Puppy's level to figure out what she needs. "What do you want, sweetie? Do you want FOOD?" The Puppy wags her tale like crazy. The Queen instructs the Princess to go fetch some real food for the Puppy at once. She sits down to call the President, "President? I have decided to help you take care of the Icing. From now on the Frosting belongs to All Peoples. I will only produce FOOD from now on. Let's have a celebration and eat the Icing!"
Epilogue. There is a huge party at the Grand Canyon with all descendants of the Hopi Indians, The Russian Army, Puppies, The Nothing Doers, Americans, The peoples of Frosting Land and The Gods. They eat the whole grand canyon clean... and then they all have a tummy ache.